Q.  I always thought that domestic violence was almost exclusively a behind-closed-doors phenomenon and that the workplace was simply not in the picture.  Is domestic violence something employers really need to be concerned with as a business matter?

A.  Business and industry are severely affected by domestic violence because of lost productivity, health care costs, absenteeism, turnover, negative effects on workers, and direct risks to the workplace when violence comes through the door.  The health-related costs of rape, physical assault, stalking, and homicide by intimate partners exceeds approximately $6 billion each year.  The annual cost of lost productivity due to domestic violence is estimated at $727.8 million, with more than 7.9 million paid workdays lost per year.  This vast problem led to the formation in 1995 of the Corporate Alliance to End Partner Violence.  Its purpose is to make a difference, and in recent years it has even expanded to help educate young people to support zero tolerance for dating violence in an effort to curb problems with future employees.  Source:  http://bitly.com/domestic-v.

Q.  It’s frequently hard for me to delegate and let go.  How can I become more adept at trusting my employees with assignments and not be so controlling or hover over them?

A.  Not letting go and exerting control create more anxiety for you than does allowing those you supervise to manage their work.  Your first step toward change is to understand that controlling behavior feels like domination and is disrespectful to your employees.  It does not feel helpful and supportive.  Some people learn early in life to act controlling because they have modeled it after others who played significant roles in their lives.  Others learn controlling behaviors by being forced to rely on themselves in order to meet basic needs or feel safe in unsafe environments.  There are many reasons a person exerts overly controlling behaviors, but work with your EAP.  It can help you implement a simple plan for letting go that will help you meet your goal, find more balance, and be happier in your job.

Q.  Our employees are very tolerant of one another’s differences.  I am proud of that because we feel like family and are supportive of each other.  Is this the ultimate value of diversity awareness, having people feel accepted and valued?

A.  Truly valuing diversity goes much further than tolerating someone else who is different so they feel accepted.  The world of work is becoming increasingly global and interdependent.  This has made it imperative for business organizations to understand and promote acceptance of diverse work-forces so they can compete.  Most employees don’t realize there is also a strong business case for valuing diversity, but they should understand it so it reinforces respectful behavior.  Not valuing diversity will create a negative consumer image, with loss of preference, revenue, and even advertisers that won’t support a company disrespectful of diversity.  A valued and diverse workforce has employees who feel accepted and more positive about their jobs.  This in turn leads to lower turnover, a cost organizations seek to avoid.

 Q.  I want to push my employees to do their best, but I don’t want to be accused of bullying.  How can I help employees maximize their productivity but not have them see me as aggressive, especially as a bully?

A.  The most common behaviors perpetrated by bullies in the workplace can also be accidentally attributed to well-meaning supervisors, who without malice may use supervisory work practices that produce ill effects for their employees.  A few examples include:  1) having their opinions and views ignored, 2) having information withheld that affects their performance, 3) being allotted an unmanageable workload, 4) being given tasks with unreasonable or impossible targets or deadlines, and 5) being ordered to do work below competence.  The importance of good communication is crucial because you cannot know how employees perceive your drive to maintain high levels of productivity.  Where your goal is simply to get work done under pressure, employees may view your treatment of them as hostile.  Take responsibility as a supervisor by having a proactive, two-way communication process that allows you to get feedback as to whether or not your style is problematic for those you supervise.

 Q.  As a supervisor, how can I help my employees use emotional intelligence to do a better job at managing our customers?  Is it too technical a concept to discus and over the head of someone like me who is not clinical or the recipient of an advanced degree?

A.  Emotional intelligence (EI) is not too difficult to discuss with your employees.  Use a brief definition of EI as being the ability to recognize, describe, understand, manage, influence, and utilize emotions effectively in human relationships.  The following EI ideas can help your employees be more effective and experience less stress with regard to customers:  1) Pay attention to customers’ emotions and how they change or shift so that the needs of the customer are more precisely met.  2) Use empathy with customers.  3)  Use emotions in communications (e.g.: “Are you happy with your selection?” versus “Did you find everything you were looking for?”).  4)  Anticipate customers’ concerns and inquire about them before they are stated.  5)  Pay attention to body language that can give signals as to needs or desires.  There are many more ideas about how to use EI at work, but these examples will help generate deeper customer loyalty.

Q.  Is it appropriate to ask the employee assistance professional’s opinion as to whether we should issue a disciplinary action (in this case, termination) while an employee is in a treatment facility or after discharge from treatment?

A.  The decision about the time and place of issuing a disciplinary action should not rely upon the opinion of your employee assistance program.  Employee assistance programs do not participate in administrative or disciplinary decisions because it damages perception of the EAP as a safe and helpful resource.  These decisions are outside of EAP practice.  EAPs owning responsibility for such decisions can lower program utilization and thereby increase behavioral risk to the organization.  Presumably you are concerned about the employee’s psychological state of mind and the impact of the termination on his or her condition.  Experience shows this diagnostic thinking cannot predict the impact of your decision, the course of the illness, or whether relapse will occur.  The patient owns these decisions and outcomes.  You should rely upon your management advisors and what they think is best or customary for the work organization.  It is appropriate to discuss general issues associated with this type of situation with the EAP, but the specific decision will need to be yours alone.

Q.  I am sure there are employees in our work organization using illicit substances.  I understand enabling, but what causes people to enable when they absolutely know how bad they’d feel if a terrible drug / alcohol – related crisis resulted or someone got killed?

A.  Most people understand enabling as protecting, covering up, and making excuses for a coworker or friend with an addiction problem, but stopping enabling is not as easy as it sounds.  To stop enabling a friend or coworker with a severe personal problem requires making choices that may create significant stress, guilt, and feeling of loss.  The decision requires the enabler to experience personal sacrifice associated with changing their behavior.  To no longer enable, therefore, is not a simple decision.  It can have life-changing consequences for the enabler, and these are difficult for most people to face.  The enabler usually manages this choice with procrastination, denial, minimization (It’s bad but not that bad,” “She’s a functional alcoholic,” etc.), and projection (“It’s not my job to deal with it”).  The result is cover-up and protection of the drug user.

Q.  What’s the difference between a compassionate supervisor and one who is concerned about an individual employee’s well-being to the point of being too vulnerable to lead effectively?

A.  Many supervisors confuse compassionate leadership with being submissive, timid, or easily manipulated.  This is not compassion.  A marine drill sergeant may be demanding and results-driven, but can show compassion when a recruit requires bereavement leave to attend a family funeral.  Compassionate leadership is about tolerance and the recognition of differences in individuals and their capacity to produce different outcomes or levels of success based on their personal strengths and compassionate means being able to choose a proper response to an employee’s difficult circumstance and making adjustments to one’s leadership style to accommodate an obvious need for understanding that benefits not only one employee, but also the work unit as a whole.

Q.  I have an ambitious employee who produces great work, but collaborating with others is a problem for him.  He experiences too many power struggles, and before long he starts managing others on a team rather than collaborating with them.  Any tips on managing or referring to the EAP?

 A.  Your employee enjoys being with coworkers, but prefers the leadership role over collaboration.  But it is equally important to learn both roles; otherwise increased alienation of coworkers will result.  Meet in private with your employee, and describe the issue as you see it.  Your employee’s ability to receive feedback and be thankful for it will be an indicator of amenability to change.  Consider a mini-performance improve contract with the goal of demonstrating improved ability to collaborate with peers.  If issues continue, arrange a referral to the EAP, who will help your employee understand how his desire to control interferes with productivity.  The EAP also will help your employee understand how powerful collaboration can be for work teams.  Your employee undoubtedly has leadership strengths, so the goal should be to help him apply these skills appropriately.

 Q.  One of my account executives is a very grumpy person.  This irritated persona has been tolerated by coworkers mostly, I think, because we think it is just a personality style.  I have never made this issue a performance matter, but I have thought about it.  Is it too late?

 A.  It is not too late to get started, but there are steps to consider in helping your employee.  You must document clearly what you and others witness so it can be used effectively in a constructive confrontation.  This is not as easy as it sounds.  Many supervisors struggle with how to describe behaviors that adversely affect performance, such as verbal tone, attitude, and nonverbal communication.  A consult with your EAP can help immensely.  Discuss your goal, take notes during your meeting, and be clear on how you will communicate to the employee what you would like changed.  A role-play with the EAP can help you.  Chances are, you will see short-term improvement after the first meeting with your employee, but sustained improvement may not be forthcoming until underlying issues are addressed.  This may require a formal referral to the EAP.