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This is an ongoing content series on the current EAN website. We have set it up again here so you can continue to use it (if you like.)
Q. My employee says the EAP is for serious problems and dismisses her difficulties that affect her attention, saying they are caused by simple stress. She is going through a divorce, but I did not focus on that issue. How can I encourage her to consider help?
A. Many employees think the EAP is only for serious crises or issues that do not include their problems. This misconception may result from rumors, stigma associated with seeking help, or the attention we naturally give to crises over less serious concerns. Your employee may be minimizing her difficulties because she prefers to manage them herself. This is understandable and not yet a situation calling for a formal referral. You do not need to challenge her or attempt to persuade her. Instead, explain that the EAP can help people think through concerns, explore options, and manage stress before problems grow worse. She can think on that. Don’t hide your concern about her divided attention on the job. This is something you can document. Reminding her that having a crisis is not a prerequisite for going to the EAP may prompt her to later accept help. Offer the program’s contact information and encourage her to inquire directly.
Q.. Attendance problems have led me to make a formal referral of my employee to the EAP, but he says he knows exactly what his problem is and therefore has nothing to gain from an EAP assessment. He promises change. How should I respond?
A. Accept his answer but keep your focus on the attendance issue. The problem may resolve itself or temporarily improve before growing worse. When an employee dismisses the EAP or says it can’t help, arguing otherwise rarely encourages participation. Explain that knowing the problem doesn’t necessarily reveal what prevents its resolution. An EAP assessment can help identify obstacles, options, and resources. Often, hesitation stems from what getting help requires. Employees may not be ready for the effort. Change may involve having uncomfortable conversations, breaking familiar habits, making difficult decisions, or accepting painful realities. The pain of change feels greater than tolerating the problem. Motivation to accept a referral often improves when disciplinary consequences are certain if performance doesn’t improve. Many supervisors struggle to communicate this certainty or overlook its importance. Instead, they chase employees for improvement, sometimes for years, while problems become chronic. Some conclude the EAP is ineffective when, in fact, it hasn’t been properly used as a tool for managing the troubled employee.
Q. When I suggested the EAP, my employee said, “Hey, do you think there’s something wrong with me?” I think there is, but I wouldn’t go there in the discussion. Is there a best way to explain my recommendation without becoming defensive or debating his personal problems?
A. Yes, and you’re correct—avoid becoming defensive or discussing what you think or don’t think about the employee’s personal problem. Explain that recommending the EAP does not mean you believe he has a personal problem or needs counseling. And go further: explain how supervisors are trained and instructed never to diagnose employees or look at the nature of their problems, but only to consider performance issues when making a referral. Employees are often quite willing to launch into discussions about their personal problems, leading supervisors into conversations they are neither trained nor equipped to manage. This can lead to avoidance, manipulation, and discussions dominated by the employee. Essentially, the supervisor then struggles to respond or redirect the conversation. Say that your “only concern is the attendance problems we’ve discussed and the need for improvement. The EAP may help you address whatever is interfering with meeting expectations.” Avoid discussing personal circumstances.
Q. Should supervisors attend holiday parties at employees’ homes where alcohol is served? I feel out of place. I worry about witnessing embarrassing behavior unrelated to work that could permanently change my opinion of an employee and affect my ability to supervise that person objectively.
A. Gatherings at employees’ homes can create situations where professional boundaries become blurred. Alcohol may lower inhibitions, and employees may behave in ways you would never see at work. Supervisors can’t always separate what they witness socially from how they perceive employees professionally. So there is some risk associated with joining employees’ social circles. Should you do it? Many seasoned supervisors recommend avoiding these very informal gatherings because of inherent risks. Attending private holiday parties is a personal choice, of course. It is not an essential function of your job. But it is a myth that you can’t maintain warm relationships with employees without becoming part of their social circle. Sometimes maintaining professional distance protects everyone involved. Regardless of the environment, there will always be an acute awareness among partygoers and coworkers that you are the boss. As a compromise, consider making a brief appearance, enjoying the hospitality, and leaving before the evening becomes more informal. If you do choose to make a brief visit, avoid drinking excessively or engaging in gossip.
Q. Despite being a supervisor for 30 years, I still don’t look forward to difficult conversations where the reaction of the employee is unpredictable. I’ll still procrastinate a bit with these sorts of situations. What makes it easier?
A. Management literature often mentions how much supervisors—even seasoned ones—dislike confronting employees when reactions are unpredictable. Examples include reasonable suspicion of substance abuse, harassment, dishonesty, theft, and termination. As with most meetings, you’ll feel more in control if you rehearse what you’ll say, how you’ll say it, and how you’ll respond. Share the specific issue, the change you expect, and what will happen if that change is not forthcoming. Avoid some common mistakes. One is couching your words or having a lengthy introduction that leaves the employee confused about your message. Another is not getting to the point quickly and respectfully. Let the employee respond. Don’t interject or try to control your employee’s emotions. It’s unnecessary. Your goal is communicating what must be said, not preventing an emotional reaction. Use this as a standard approach to difficult conversations, a formula of sorts. It will make them easier as you repeat the approach.
FrontLine Supervisor is for general informational purposes only and is not intended to be specific guidance for any individual, supervisory, or human resource management concern.
For specific guidance on handling individual employee problems, consult with your EA professional. ©2026 DFA Publishing & Consulting, LLC. Gender use in Frontline Supervisor content is strictly random.
Q. An employee is returning to work after the death of a family member. I want to be supportive, but I also need to manage the workload. How do I approach this without appearing too work focused? I’m very concerned that what’s facing us here will get in the way of productivity demands.
A. Meet with your employee in private and acknowledge the death: “I’m sorry for your loss. It’s good to see you.” Let the conversation naturally evolve. You can transition to the subject of workload by asking what would help the employee settle back into the office. Your employee may share information about the death, but you will be surprised at how fast they will want to move on to discussing workplace needs. Explain which tasks need attention now, which ones can wait, and whom they can turn to if they need help. Agree on a time to check in again after a few days. Grief affects concentration, energy, and patience. People experience it in different ways. Being supportive is key, but keep your expectations clear and do a lot of checking in for a while. This will help you pick up on anything your employee may be struggling to manage. Remind the employee about the EAP or workplace resources.
Q. I assign work, but some employees give me no updates unless I ask. The work may eventually get done, yet I lose time chasing these folks down to find out what’s going on. How can I change this without micromanaging, which, of course, every employee hates?
A. Most problems of this nature boil down to communication, every organization’s biggest problem. Think about clear communication as the culprit in most workplace performance management issues and you’ll prevent half of the problems you face throughout the year. Going forward, make updates (communication) part of the assignment from the start. Put communication first in your discussion by explaining what a finished result looks like, when you need it, and what decisions depend on its progress. That’s three key points of discussion. Agree on a brief update point. For example, “Send me a progress note every Thursday afternoon, even if everything is on track.” Some assignments might last for months. In such situations, you must set milestones, but don’t let things just float along or give “How’s it going?” comments in the hallway. With milestones, tell employees what you want: 1) what is finished, 2) what remains, and 3) whether they need a decision or assistance. With these fixes, you’ll discover higher and faster productivity, less stress, and fewer crises on the job.
Q. I’m hiring for a position with a steep learning curve, so no applicant will be able to jump right in. I’ve found that eagerness to learn can matter as much as, or more than, prior experience. How can I spot that quality in a candidate and evaluate whether they’re willing to put in the effort to learn this job?
A. Think about the last time you had to learn something unfamiliar at work. You probably asked questions, tried things out, made a few mistakes, and adjusted. Spot this type of story when you interview candidates. Ask them about a skill they had to learn quickly: How did they get started? What did they do when they got stuck? Did they use feedback? Many employees will say they are fast learners, but fewer will be able to give specific examples to show how. You might also give every candidate the same realistic job scenario and ask how they would learn the work. Observe how they construct a workable approach, not offer a perfect answer. Even someone eager to learn can get frustrated or feel overwhelmed. Enthusiastic employees may also be hard on themselves, so
Q. I believe supervisors would think about praising employees for good work more often if they knew the benefits that derive from it. What are they?
A. When an employee makes a meaningful contribution, recognizing it at a staff meeting or in front of a larger group of people does more than make that person feel good. It has an impact on the entire organization, but many supervisors don’t understand why. Public praise has ripple effects. It creates a “wave” of organizational well-being that raises workplace morale. To make the right impact, don’t just say, “Great job, Maria.” Plan your comments and drill down. For example, “Everyone, Maria noticed an ongoing customer problem. She gathered the team, brainstormed the solution, and ended this problem we’ve had for years. So, great job.” A supervisor speaking like this gives coworkers something to learn about solving problems. It also says to others that effort gets noticed in this organization. Note that some employees don’t like public accolades, so it’s okay to ask the worker in advance if you are unsure. Bottom line: Praising workers helps employees, the team, and the organization, but it costs nothing.
Q. One of my employees regularly challenges the team’s ideas. Some coworkers call him difficult, to say the least, but his suggestions are often useful. Could the EAP help me manage this situation?
A. You have an employee who is a valuable part of your team, but he has an abrasive style that is alienating others. Yes, the EAP can help, and in two ways: either meeting directly with your employee or coaching you on how to manage and/or refer him to the program if you are unsuccessful in helping him make needed changes in his interactions with peers. The key to your success is separating his intellect from his style. You don’t want him to believe he is being criticized for being smart. It’s the delivery that’s problematic. Start by validating his contributions. Then, turn to how his style affects others in ways that you have observed. You must be specific. Saying “People think you are too abrasive” won’t cut it. Examples of behaviors he may display include rolling eyes, sighing heavily, or interrupting. Behaviors of affected peers may include visibly shutting down, stopping participation, or looking reluctant to share ideas. If your direct coaching does not improve his relationship with peers, consult the EAP to establish a formal performance referral.
FrontLine Supervisor is for general informational purposes only and is not intended to be specific guidance for any individual, supervisory, or human resource management concern. For specific guidance on handling individual employee problems, consult with your EA professional. ©2026 DFA Publishing & Consulting, LLC. Gender use in Frontline Supervisor content is strictly random.
