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This is an ongoing content series on the current EAN website. We have set it up again here so you can continue to use it (if you like.)
Q. One of my employees is part of this syndrome called “the sandwich generation,” taking care of her elderly parents and also her teens, who I hear are sometimes getting in trouble. I want to be supportive, but her performance is slipping. I am referring to the EAP, but what else can I do?
A. Perhaps unspoken, a key stressor beyond your employee’s personal challenges with aging parents and difficult children is what she imagines you are thinking concerning her situation and impact on performance. Ultimately this relates to job security, and therefore demonstrating support (beyond the referral to the EAP) and reassuring her about her value to the team will improve or least bolster her resolve and ability to manage these issues successfully. Most situations with employees like this one include opportunities to discuss in what small ways accommodations can be made to make her circumstances less stressful. Have an open-ended discussion about flex time, scheduling, remote work, delegation of duties, and time needed to resolve issues. Of course, accountability must be part of your discussions, but here’s how to do it while still showing maximum support: Be clear about work expectations, set some measurable goals, and agree on regular check-ins to assess how things are going.
Q. Many supervisors believe employees naturally trust them by virtue of their designated position of authority. I think this attitude is not only false but can cause a supervisor to be lazy about building a rapport of trust. What are good steps every supervisor should undertake to achieve this?
A. When a rapport of trust hasn’t been built with employees, they are more likely to struggle with accepting negative feedback. The reason is fairly simple. Without trust, feedback feels like judgment. This causes employees to instinctively become defensive to protect themselves. When trust exists, feedback from supervisors is more likely to be interpreted as guidance rather than criticism. Building rapport isn’t complicated or full of psychological maneuvering. Your tools are your words and actions. Be genuinely concerned about your employees’ well-being. Like you, they know what feels real and genuine. Be sure to “catch people doing things right.” Don’t just provide corrective feedback. If you’re a busy supervisor, it might be easier to move quickly, spot problems, make corrections, and keep things running. But if you take a few minutes to praise good work, you build rapport as employees perceive you as supportive and concerned about their success. When an employee is thinking, “Wow, he or she really wants me to do well,” then you’re building rapport.
Q. How should a supervisor respond to a subtle comment that could be interpreted as a threat of violence? For example, an employees says, “I am reaching the end of my rope, and no one here wants to see that happen. Trust me.” Comments like this give me the creeps.
A. An employee who makes a comment that causes you to feel concern is all you need to act. Take these situations seriously, always. Start with documenting everything about the situation, especially the context. Record the date, who heard what was said, and your emotional response while it is fresh in your memory. If you felt intimidated, document it. You don’t have to interpret or decide the intent of a comment. Documenting tone is important, however. To do it, focus on how something is said, not just what. Use non-judgmental language to describe attitude, emotion, style of delivery, and body language. These four things allow a preponderance of information needed for management or human resources to advise you. Always consult with them. The EAP can also offer tips on how to document effectively. It is appropriate to say to an employee that their comments cause concern and feel intimidating, and to ask exactly what they mean. This gives the employee an opportunity to clarify or correct their statement, but even more important, it communicates that such remarks are being taken seriously.
Q. A lot is said about having a psychologically “safe” workplace. What does this mean, and how do I avoid undermining it once it is established?
A. A psychologically safe workplace is one where employees feel comfortable speaking up, asking questions, sharing ideas, and admitting mistakes. In such a culture, employees have learned they need not worry about being humiliated or retaliated against, or about facing negative consequences for being genuine and authentic. One mistaken idea is that psychologically safe workplaces have no conflict or arguments. Not true. Tough conversations happen, but there is “primo value” of mutual respect and trust. The value of psychological safety is its ability to help employees maximize potential, contribute more, and feel engaged. Once you know you have or are moving toward this environment, it’s crucial to work at keeping it. For example, if you hear dismissive comments or unfair criticism, or if you see people not being treated fairly, step in and speak up. Be sure also to model these behaviors. For the supervisor, maintaining psychological safety requires continued vigilance, but the benefits are numerous—from less turnover to happier days on the job.
Q. I recommended the EAP to my employee, who said his performance issues were influenced by his marital problems. He reported back that the EAP wanted him to get an evaluation for alcohol use disorder before dealing with the marital problems. Should I still anticipate improved performance immediately?
A. Yes, you should still expect an immediate improvement in performance, even while the employee engages with the EAP. When an alcohol issue is suspected or identified, it typically takes clinical priority, as substance use may be the underlying cause—or a significant contributor—to the marital and workplace issues. The EAP’s recommendation to first conduct an alcohol use disorder evaluation is appropriate and signals they are addressing what may be the core problem. It’s important to obtain a signed release from the employee so the EAP can confirm participation and help you monitor follow-through. While the EAP manages clinical concerns, your focus remains on performance expectations. Let the employee know that participation in the EAP is not a substitute for meeting those expectations.
FrontLine Supervisor is for general informational purposes only and is not intended to be specific guidance for any particular supervisor or humanresource management concern. For specific guidance on handling individual employee problems, consult with your EA professional. ©2025 DFA Publishing & Consulting, LLC. Gender use in Frontline Supervisor content is strictly random.
Q. Our workplace of 28 employees is a peaceful, high-morale environment. I have never seen conflict, and it simply can’t be any more ideal, but is this normal? I have always read and heard that conflict is normal and some of it is healthy.
A. You’re right that conflict is normal and can be healthy when it leads to improvements that affect people and systems for the better. Either your workplace experiences no conflicts, or it could be that conflict is avoided. A nice workplace can hide dysfunction, just like in families. This is called “false harmony.” If this is the case, conflicts may brew beneath the surface. Does your no-conflict workplace also translate to “important issues and conversations don’t happen”? In some workplaces, the culture dictates nonverbally that disagreements are not welcome. If true, then passive-aggressive behaviors often exist. It’s even possible for truth-telling to be discouraged in the false-harmony workplace. Here are some diagnostic questions: Do you create a psychologically safe environment where honesty is encouraged? Do you support healthy dissent even if it rocks the boat? More importantly, do you model these behaviors yourself? Which do you value more—surface peace or authentic engagement?
Q. I met with my team and could tell some tension existed between two employees. I ignored it because no one was complaining, but something felt off. I view issues like this as normal, and it’s up to employees to work things out on their own. Did I handle this correctly?
A. You can’t assume that silence means the issues will ultimately be resolved. Team morale often erodes not because of overt problems but because of unspoken conflicts, resentments, and lingering tension. Employees will cope with these sorts of stressors on their own, but not necessarily to the benefit of the work unit. It’s more likely that passive-aggressive behaviors will appear, and not the small stuff like refusing to say “good morning.” More likely it’s reduced collaboration, poor cooperation with deadlines, or withdrawal from the team. This affects team productivity. A better approach is to note the clues that indicate a problem, meet with employees, and ask what’s going on. Literally say, “Let’s have an honest conversation about what’s going on between you two. ”Creating this space will help resolve the problem, but ask that employees use the Assistance Program (EAP) if issues continue after your attempt to get them resolved.
Q. I learned a hard lesson the other day about giving timely feedback when I gave negative (constructive)feedback to my employee about using a sarcastic tone with a customer a week after it happened. When I finally mentioned it, the employee got very irate.
A. More should be written about giving feedback to employees after too much time has passed. Whether it’s waffling on the decision to give feedback, mulling over the right words, or suddenly feeling obligated to give feedback, delay is a huge problem. Without timely feedback, employees will usually assume everything is fine (or worse, feel as though they have done the right thing).It’s likely your employee felt ambushed under such circumstances. Here’s the key takeaway: Feedback does not have to be perfect when you give it, but give it anyway. This is the only time that details and emotions are fresh. As time passes, feedback becomes perfect when you give it, but give it anyway. This is the only time that details and emotions are fresh. As time passes, feedback becomes less useful or suspect. If you feel the need to give feedback that is delayed, role-play it with a colleague or consider meeting with the EAP. You’ll gain even more insights about communicating with employees.
Q. My employee’s dog died, and he’s been distraught. Because death of a pet can rival that of a loved one, we offered time off. Currently, I need to be assertive and get him back to work because he’s been out so long, but I am struggling with taking action.
A. You’re trying to be an empathetic supervisor, but also impose accountability. You need clear communication that supports your employee without excusing the behavior. Admittedly, this creates tension, but it is made worse because there appears to be no predetermined time limit for the leave. Setting one now may feel arbitrary, but without it, you send a message that performance expectations are secondary. Remember, even in this situation, your role isn’t to solve personal problems or whatever issues are associated with the protracted absence. The appropriate next step is to suggest contacting the EAP while requiring a date to return to work. Compassion doesn’t mean putting core responsibilities on hold. It means offering support while also keeping focus on core performance standards and your operation. Supervisors lead best when they show empathy and can uphold expectations. These two things are not in opposition to each other. They reinforce each other.
Q. Over the years I’ve noticed that employees pay more attention to what their boss does than what they say. I think more of us need to understand this reality. I don’t think most supervisors understand the great influence they have in establishing the workplace’s culture.
A. Your observation is correct, and there is research to attest to it. Howa supervisor behaves—which includes attitude and demeanor, among other behaviors—influences work culture. Supervisors must accept that what they model matters, and therefore self-awareness is crucial to the role. In the book “Trust Rules: How the World’s Best Managers Create Great Places to Work,” author Bob Lee describes “leadership drift,” a relationship dynamic that molds a work culture shaped by the supervisor’s tone, energy style, and daily demeanor. This can drift for better or worse. Employees keenly notice supervisor behaviors. This is especially true in moments of stress or frustration or during a crisis. These influences of leadership prove to be contagious and thereby influence the work culture. When supervisors suspect or notice adverse effects on their mental health, turning to the EAP for support can play a significant role in helping ensure behaviors do not adversely affect the work culture.
FrontLineSupervisor is for general informational purposes only and is not intended to be specific guidance for any particular supervisor or human resource management concern. For specific guidance on handling individual employee problems, consult with your EA professional. ©2025 DFA Publishing & Consulting, LLC. Gender use in Frontline Supervisor content is strictly random.
